Friends with Benefits

Heather was a nineteen year old freshman at Columbia University, one of the world’s most prestigious centers of learning.  Her frequent mood swings of deep depression and unpredictable crying led her to visit a psychiatrist at the school’s clinic, Dr. Miriam Grossman.  Dr. Grossman drew out Heather’s personal situation.  Her new boyfriend was delighting in the female gift of her young body, but was balking at going out to eat or to a movie because that might lead to a “relationship”, and he didn’t want a relationship: he just wanted to be friends…..with benefits. Heather was wondering why she was depressed because “friends with benefits” was a common arrangement after all, and she had not considered it as a possible source of her unhappiness.  From Dr. Grossmans’ book “Unprotected”: “Heather thinks women are like men, so she’s puzzled when her “friend with benefits” – a man with whom she has a physical relationship, no strings attached – is content, while she hates herself.  Is Zoloft the answer?”

In “Unprotected” she writes of other client-students she counseled: Stacey, who was cutting herself with scissors, had an HPV infection that would be with her the rest of her life; condoms are ineffective with HPV and 25% of teenage and above women are infected.  Some strains of HPV can cause cervical cancer.  The medical community’s and big Pharm’s solution de jour is inoculating all young girls with “Gardasil”, which a study now shows can trigger the premature death of ovaries and eggs causing permanent infertility.  Stacey had three “relationships” in the last year and was unaware whether her partners may have had previous relationships, creating multiples of exposure; her odds of HPV infection went up 300%.

Then there was Olivia, who was bulimic, vomiting frequently and depressed, the first big love of her young life having dumped her.  She told Dr. Grossman, “When it ended, it hurt so much,” she said, weeping.  “I think about him all the time and I haven’t been going to one of my classes, because he’ll be there, and I can’t handle seeing him.  I was unprepared for this. Why, doctor,” she asked, “why do they tell you how to protect your body – from herpes and pregnancy – but they don’t tell you what it does to your heart?”

Dr. Grossman eventually left Columbia when she became terminally discouraged with both the medical community’s acquiescence in a political and social agenda and Columbia’s advice to its students on the “Go Ask Alice” web site for students. “Go Ask Alice” suggests experimentation to help students “find their sexual identity” tacitly encouraging multiple “friends”, ménage à trois trysts and homosexual hook ups.  Sadly, Columbia is far from unique.

Dr. Grossman started her (wholly secular) crusade.  Here is a direct quote from her website mission statement:

I am here to tell you that radical politics pervades healthcare, and common sense has vanished. Who’s paying the highest price?  Girls and women.

Not long ago, we physicians could call casual sexual activity “mindless” and “empty”.  Before political correctness muzzled us in the 90’s, a therapist might advise her client that it is love and life-long fidelity that bring liberated sensuality and provide the best insurance against infectious diseases.  An unwanted pregnancy, an abortion – these were weighty issues.

We understood that men and women are profoundly different and weren’t afraid to say so….Self restraint built character, and character was something to strive for…

Things have changed.  Teens are encouraged to explore and experiment with their sexuality.  Self-discipline has been replaced with latex and Plan B.  There is tacit approval of promiscuity, and an STI is a rite of passage.  Abortion?  It’s likened to a tonsillectomy. 

The health care system has declared war on tobacco and alcohol, tanning salons and transfats, but is silent about the hazards of our hook-up culture….Devoted professionals, motivated by altruism are foisting these agendas on young people. I witness the ramifications daily.

The agenda is sunk deeply into the soil of some misguided feminism that confuses equal treatment and opportunities for women with men and women being the same in every aspect of their personalities.  Even well-meaning parents are not immune.  Many “put” their teenage daughters on birth control pills, some below the age of legal consent, falling into the trap that all of them will be sexually active anyway, and there is nothing to be done about it, so we may as well protect them as best we can.  Their girls remain unprotected, however, against emotional havoc and over 50 sexually transmitted diseases.  The implicit communication is that character development in all things sexual and self-control are not possible — and the girl is informed subtly that she is ready and available.

“Which of you fathers, if your (daughter) asks for a fish will give (her) a serpent instead? Or if (she) asks for an egg, will give (her) a scorpion?”  Luke 11: 11-12 with apologies to St. Luke for paraphrasing for a female child.

Further ripping away the mantle of protection are the possible side effects of the pill itself: increased risk of depression, mood swings, weight gain, suicide, breast cancer, infertility, stroke, blood clots, cervical cancer and, most ironically, loss of libido.  The World Health Organization lists the birth control pill as a Group 1 Carcinogen along with tobacco, asbestos, benzene, formaldehyde, plutonium and others.  In NYC schools, a pilot program with the catchy acronym CATCH (Connecting Adolescents To Comprehensive Healthcare) provides birth control pills, Plan B abortion pills, Depo-Provera long-lasting contraceptive shots as well as condoms to 22,000 students as young as 14 in 14 city high schools without parental consent or notification. They can’t get an aspirin from the school nurse without parental consent.  Political correctness run amok.

When the Catholic Church objects to Obamacare mandating inclusion of contraception and abortifacient drugs in their health care plans, the Health and Human Services department of the Obama administration refuses to allow an exemption (with the very narrow exception of churches themselves).  Catholic hospitals, schools, charitable organizations and universities are put in the impossible dilemma of providing what is morally repugnant to them or not providing a health plan at all to their employees.  Over 40 lawsuits are pending.  Political correctness runs rough shod over religious freedom, freedom of conscience and common sense.

“Unprotected”, indeed:  it seems we have lost our way.

While it is true, of course, that (technological progress) ha(s) given us tremendous power, it is absurd to suggest that we must use this power to destroy our most precious inheritance: liberty.  The Road to Serfdom – F. A. Hayek


Filed under Culture views

4 responses to “Friends with Benefits

  1. Rita

    About ten years ago, when I was director of a Crisis Pregnancy Center here in RI, I began to discover information and a meta-analyses done by Dr. Joel Brind that linked breast cancer to abortion. At first I was a bit skeptical since the major breast cancer researchers in the US were strongly denying the link. I began to attend conferences where I heard Drs. Brind and Angela Lanfanchi explain the reasons why this was a clear cause and effect situation. I’ve provided a link to PDF articles written by these two MDs that discuss the scientific reasons why this medical phenomenon exists. The explanations are pretty straight forward and easy to understand.

    Breast cancer is only one of many side effects associated with abortion and the use of contraceptives as Jack has listed in his blog. I feel great frustration and sadness about the “politically correct” block of information about the side effects of BC use and abortion. The tragedies we see among our youth as they are victimized by this lack of information are wholly preventable by giving them the information BEFORE so that they can make an informed decision. This information should be made available to parents as well!! No this information should be mandatory to both the women and the parents in the case of minors.

    As for the promotion of sexual experimentation by college students…isn’t the stress of being away from home for the first time and dealing with the demands of studying and passing exams enough? College students have been dealing with this for hundreds of years. Why are there so many more stressed out, depressed and suicidal kids today???

    Is it any wonder that we are seeing huge increases in breast cancer and yet even organizations such as Susan G. Komen choose to ignore these studies? No wonder we are not making much progress in dealing with the prevention of breast cancer. Oh, we may be making progress in its treatment, but we are not making progress in its prevention.

    Knowing all this makes me want to scream whenever I see the color pink used to promote breast cancer “awareness”… now you can’t even enjoy a football game without seeing it all over the players! BTW, you can just imagine how much money “big pharma” makes on all the contraceptives we sell, hand out and push in America…often subsidized by the federal government.

    Scorpions and snakes, scorpions and snakes!!


  2. Rita

    I forgot to mention that as Executive Director or RI Right to Life for six years, I was part of the pro-life communities’ efforts to pass legislation called the Woman’s Right to Know bill that would inform women of the devestating side effects and post-abortion sydrome associated with a decision to have an abortion. The pro-life community, led by the political arm of the RI Right to Life Committee’s political PAC has been bringing this kind of legislation to the RI General Assembly for almost 20 years. Each year the committees that hear this legislation presented “put it on hold for further study”. No matter what kind of experts and witnesses of women victimized by abortion we gather at these hearings, our efforts are thwarted again and again, year after year. Even some of our so-called pro-life legislators have caved on us in the end. Talk about frustration…


  3. I’m sorry I don’t have much spare time to respond in the comprehensive way that I wish I could, this post combines so many heavy issues which are sadly related. There are some wonderful doctors who have spoken with scientific and evidence-based authority on the deadly effects of the pill. Here is just one example, Dr. Lyn Kerr, Associate clinical professor from the UC at San Francisco explains the deadly side-effects of the birth control pill on the middle video on this page. The other talks by Dr. Carpentier, Dr. Lanfranchi etc. are also worth watching:

    As far as the new evidence showing the link between the Guardasil vaccine and infertility, check out the links on this page. These young girls are pressured into and sometimes forced by schools to get this vaccine, some of the them as a result have their human right to true CHOICE, their decision to care for their own fertility, taken from them at an early age:

    Great post. Silent no more.


  4. (Probably no one is reading these comments anymore, but had to add this…) This is a video which explains some eye opening connections between contraception and seemingly unrelated happenings in our modern world; worth a watch:


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